Participants are requested to write the following sentences on a piece of paper, one next to the other:

Then, on another piece of paper, the facilitator writes the following two sentences.

The members of the group discuss whether such an approach to the way we communicate can bring a change in someone’s behaviour.

• What is usually the outcome when communication is based on insults and attacks by the two parties?
• What kinds of behaviour lead to conflict? What kinds of behaviour lead to conflict resolution?
• Is there a common way we respond each time? What does this depend upon?
• Under what circumstances and conditions can we communicate effectively with others?  

Following this discussion, the participants are requested to rephrase the sentences above, using the model of non-violent communication in which we express what we observe, how we feel about it, what changes we would like to see, and what exactly we are asking interlocutor.

For example, a new way of communicating our position could be rephrased as follows:

The participants then work individually and create their own conflict cases.

They first express themselves as they would express themselves in their everyday life about the issue that bothers them and then rephrase it, following the model:

WHAT I NOTICE, WHAT I FEEL, WHAT I NEED, WHAT I ASK

Indicative list of needs: acceptance, appreciation, love, love, trust, respect, tenderness, companionship, calmness, completeness, security, air, water, food, a clean environment, personal space and time etc.

Indicative questions for discussion:

• In our interpersonal conflicts, which of the two ways do we usually choose to communicate? What does our reaction depend on?
• What are the results that we can expect in each case?
• Does it seem likely that we will all develop ways of communicating that do not involve insults, attacks, etc.? What does this depend on?
• Could we, would we want to try another way of conflict management in our own group?   

We explain to the group that such a way of conflict management may seem strange to us at first, since we are not used to communicating in this way, but it can help us realise what bothers us and may bring us into conflict, to define our feelings and needs specifically and to propose a solution to the issue that concerns us, which is unlikely to happen when we choose aggressive ways of communicating.

Gradually, and if all team members are trained in such a way, communication can become positive and effective, even when we disagree. At the same time, if we understand our rights and duties, we can shape the classroom, and more broadly our school, our neighbourhood, our city, into peaceful and friendly places for all.